Broken Heart


(I wrote this a few years ago thought I would share)

The dull grays sky sinks in through the window casting it’s dreariness over everything in its path. The rain falls rhythmically on the ground like a piano playing a great classical piece. My heart sinks into the gloominess of the day. I try to fight it, however, it’s to fast and hides from me.

It cries out “Help me!”

“Please come back to me”

I continue to try and fight, but the weariness threatens to take me into its wrathful clutches. Hurt, anger, and pain all dwell in this spot that has taken and locked my heart away.

I wonder to myself, How did I get here?” The answer floats softly across my thoughts like a whisper from a lover, “you dared to love”. My heart starts to sink deeper into this bottomless pit of despair.

Love has blinded all my senses, it left my heart to jump in ecstasy of that next gentle touch, caress, or being held safely. Longing to hear that next word coming from your beautiful voice.

My heart is now locked in the dark pits of my soul, screaming to be released from its endless torture. Clinging to all that is left of the memory of us. Waiting and hoping for the phone to ring, wanting there to be some chance that the next knock on the door will be you. My heart clings to this phantom of hope that you really aren’t gone.

My soul weeps for my heart and embraces it knowing that, that spark of hope is wrong. My soul begins to spin it’s web around my wounded heart trying to bandage the damage that has already been done. It pours caring and patience into this bandage to help start the healing process.

Tears fall like an early morning dew off a flower petal. My soul continues to gently embrace my delicate heart, knowing, any more will shatter it beyond repair. The phone rings, and from within its cocoon of healing my heart skips a beat. It’s not you, and my heart starts to ache once again. My soul begins to whisper sweet words of solace to my fragile heart. This feeling of despair threatens to overwhelm all that is left of who I am, as the voice on the other end of the phone turns out to be someone else.

My soul binds it’s web, with all the love and understanding that it has left, around my heart that is still bleeding out anger, hurt, sadness, hopelessness, and despair. It promises that with each new day and with perseverance things will get better. My heart gets little comfort from this. It still feels the pain and anguish in the darkest, deepest, recesses of its chambers. Hope, love, life, and light once blossomed here, but now those feelings are just a distant memory.


Golf Carts, Fireworks, and Grills Oh My


When I think of summer these days, golf cart rides in my hometown come to mind, since they are legal in the city limits and the popular form of travel. It’s also a cheap form of travel as well. When I’m home my mom and I take our dogs Velvet and Buddy for rides. Velvet just absolutely loves her rides.

The 4th is always a big day around here. Our little city has a very good fireworks display. Their annual parade has gotten smaller over the years and more political, yet the people still turn out. I so try to make it every year that I can to make sure mom gets to go because dad won’t go anymore. He does participate in the parade and drives his golf cart that has been decorated to honor all branches of the military.

One of the best things about summer is having food cooked out on a charcoal grill. Hot dogs must be black that’s how they carry the best taste, hamburgers just simply taste better, Chuck roast/steak marinated then cooked out us oh how so yummy and when mom cooks cheesy potatoes on the grill is awesome. Now you want the weather just right. If it’s to hot you’re just miserable and don’t feel like moving, to rainy then ya can’t enjoy the outdoors or even a golf cart ride.



We met Wednesday, December  15, 2010. I followed my phone’s navigation system after talking to a gentleman on the phone out to a farm house. Saw the 4 cutest puppies. All except one were boys. There were 4 total. I took the female in the bunch. On my way home I called my mom and cried telling her I had done something I shouldn’t have. She asked me what and I told her I bought a puppy. Told her she was laying inside my coat on my chest at the moment while I drove. My mother laughed at me.

She got her name from my ex because I had called him and told him I had got her and didn’t know what to name her. I told him how soft she was and he suggested Velvet and when I said it out loud she looked at me like “yeah what ya need”, so I knew that was her name.

We went to PetSmart and loaded up on the necessities, then headed home. Over the next few weeks, Velvet essentially potty box trained herself after running straight into a snow drift way larger than her. She left a lovely image of her body frame. However did not look amused at the time.

She has made the best companion for me even though she is a brat. A brat, how? you ask. Well, let’s see. The turd got a hold of my phone and unplugged it from the outlet while I was taking a nap. She proceeded to pull it off the dresser I use as a nightstand, and then unplugged the cord from the phone. I woke up with her at my feet chewing on my phone. There was a voicemail from my brother stating he was returning my call. Which I never made as I was asleep, and there was also a text from him stating that Everytime I called there was a loud gurgling breathing sound.  I checked and needless to say somehow my turd of a dog Velvet had managed to call my brother like 3 or 4 times during her chewing escapade.  I texted my brother back and explained I was not the one who called, it was Velvet and obviously it was important with the number of times she tried. However, I further explained she refused to tell me what she wanted.

It will be 6 years since I got her this year. She’s the best, most frustrating thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change the experience for the world. She’s loyal, trusting, loving, and my best friend.



You know with all the changes in weather is killer for the sinuses. So much so that going to work sick has been a thing for the past couple days. Then maybe it’s not my sinuses, it could be my body punishing me for getting my hair cut.

I got 12 inches off of it and it’s the shortest it’s been since middle school or high school, unless you count when I shaved underneath.  Got 8 inches cut last year and no one noticed so you know your hair is long when you can get that much cut and they don’t notice. 12 inches and if they don’t notice that they are blind as bats 😂

It’s actually nice and lighter with less hair because it’s thick and with that extra 12 inches that was a lot of extra weight. Here I am babbling on. Vacation is coming up and I think maybe I’m gonna add some color to my hair. Not to mention we can see how long it will take for it to grow back.

When I was younger my mom would threaten to get my hair cut short cause “I didn’t take care of it like I should”. Finally I called her on the threat and told her to set the appointment up. Went to our neighbor lady who has since moved. She tried to talk me out of it and cried when she cut my hair. I told her if I didn’t like it, it would always grow out. That was the second time I had my hair cut short, first time I don’t remember I was to young. However, apparently my mom took me down to another neighbors when we lived in the country and told her she just wanted the split ends cut off. When she came back I had short hair and from my understanding mom was not happy.



Well, mom and I took the dogs for their golf cart ride. we took them to the park and went for a walk, then loaded them back up and off we went out to the store to get bologna. Once mom got that then we came home and made “ham salad” after she boiled the eggs. I was the official taste tester.

It’s been a pretty hot day today. My dad came in early from his “man cave” because he just couldn’t bear the heat any longer outside. He had a sandwich and retired to his bedroom to cool off.

Mom and I each made a sandwich later and watched TV in the den. We had to use the DVR old school because the remote control wasnt working. We found out it was just replaced this past April. Personally I think there is something wrong with the DVR that’s not letting it stay aligned with the remote contol.

Overall it has been a nice weekend. Velvet has got to spend time in the pen without needing to be in her harness, and gotten her golf cart rides with walks in the park. She’s been spoiled in the morning with bacon and eggs which she only gets from grandma and grandpa.

Loved beyond measure


17 pounds of pure love. She is my girl. Velvet is my attachment. When I’m home she must always be touching me and heaven forbid if I don’t have a blanket nearby. No blanket then I get “the look” until I get one. She must always be curled in a blanket. This is the way of the Pinhead. 🙂 I wouldn’t change it at all. You must always remember to check your blankets before sitting or you could end up with a flattened Pin.

As summer arrives so does Velvet’s favorite time of year. The time of year that on our visits to her grandma and grandpa’s house she gets daily golf cart rides as golf carts are allowed in the city limits. Then of course she gets to play in the pen out the backyard without her harness on.

A touch of balance

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