(I wrote this a few years ago thought I would share)
The dull grays sky sinks in through the window casting it’s dreariness over everything in its path. The rain falls rhythmically on the ground like a piano playing a great classical piece. My heart sinks into the gloominess of the day. I try to fight it, however, it’s to fast and hides from me.
It cries out “Help me!”
“Please come back to me”
I continue to try and fight, but the weariness threatens to take me into its wrathful clutches. Hurt, anger, and pain all dwell in this spot that has taken and locked my heart away.
I wonder to myself, How did I get here?” The answer floats softly across my thoughts like a whisper from a lover, “you dared to love”. My heart starts to sink deeper into this bottomless pit of despair.
Love has blinded all my senses, it left my heart to jump in ecstasy of that next gentle touch, caress, or being held safely. Longing to hear that next word coming from your beautiful voice.
My heart is now locked in the dark pits of my soul, screaming to be released from its endless torture. Clinging to all that is left of the memory of us. Waiting and hoping for the phone to ring, wanting there to be some chance that the next knock on the door will be you. My heart clings to this phantom of hope that you really aren’t gone.
My soul weeps for my heart and embraces it knowing that, that spark of hope is wrong. My soul begins to spin it’s web around my wounded heart trying to bandage the damage that has already been done. It pours caring and patience into this bandage to help start the healing process.
Tears fall like an early morning dew off a flower petal. My soul continues to gently embrace my delicate heart, knowing, any more will shatter it beyond repair. The phone rings, and from within its cocoon of healing my heart skips a beat. It’s not you, and my heart starts to ache once again. My soul begins to whisper sweet words of solace to my fragile heart. This feeling of despair threatens to overwhelm all that is left of who I am, as the voice on the other end of the phone turns out to be someone else.
My soul binds it’s web, with all the love and understanding that it has left, around my heart that is still bleeding out anger, hurt, sadness, hopelessness, and despair. It promises that with each new day and with perseverance things will get better. My heart gets little comfort from this. It still feels the pain and anguish in the darkest, deepest, recesses of its chambers. Hope, love, life, and light once blossomed here, but now those feelings are just a distant memory.